I admit it, I’m a Luddite. In my defense, I do have a motto of tolerance: Don’t judge what’s not made for you. I try, I really do, to live by that motto and just let things go. When I do escalate to rant mode, my son brings me back simply by being the good hearted, media saturated kid that he is. But something happened today that I deserves a full throated rant.
At the library this morning, I read an article in the Washington Post, From iPotty to Apptivity Seat: What Next? You have to see this to believe it: a baby seat integrated with an iPad! This is a real product! Once you strap your infant into the Apptivity Seat, the iPad screen blocks out his or her view of the world! Only Neo was more plugged in! And since this is a Mordor-version of a “safety” seat, it includes straps to hold the vulnerable infant in place! The makers didn’t even notice the frightening Freudian slip in the product name: apptivity rhymes with captivity!
Take a breath, Bob. I’m not even going to start on the iPotty.
Something has gone wrong with our society. Babies have always been profit centers for corporate America. But the baby was left outside the madness. Adults responded to the media. Adults bought the clothes and toys and food. Babies were the bait, and while that is indeed as scummy as it sounds, at least they weren’t the targets.
That’s all changed. Today, marketers are waging a digital war for infant minds. “Cradle to grave” branding has come into its full, horrific meaning. The author of the Washington Post article asks, “What next?” I’m afraid of the answer.
iMobiles to hang tablets over an infant’s crib, lulling them to animated sleep? AppChairs to give babies that TV tray experience while they gnaw on their teething biscuits? eSonograms to project media through skin and right into mom’s womb?
I think we can all agree on this one. Luddites and parents, educators and techies, unite! Join me in this Planet of the Apes moment and shout, “It’s a madhouse! A maaaaaaadhouse!”
Chip just poked his head in and asked what was wrong. I guess I was shouting out loud. I need to go for a walk. Only nature can calm me now. Then I’m coming back here and writing a letter to the editor.
Was your dad really shouting out loud?
Yeah. Really loud.
Wow.
I’m adding a link to the Washington Post article, and popping in photos of the Apptivity and iPotty. Refresh the page and you’ll see ‘em.
Got it. Weird! I can’t decide if that’s hilarious or scary.
Nobody’s more for technology than I am, but I think we should leave babies out of it.
I found a great site, The Campaign for A Commercial Free Childhood. They say the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends zero screen time for children under two. They started an online petition to recall the Apptivity Seat.
What a great site! I just subscribed to their email alerts.
Me, too. Let’s sign the petition!
Don’t you dare!
The lurker emerges!
I’m not lurking, I’m watching! I’m protecting our company’s image! You’ll make us look bad if you sign that petition!
Why?
A corporation has the right to sell its products. If a parent doesn’t like a product, they have the right not to buy. What could be more fair than that?
I don’t think a parent vs. a million dollar advertising campaign is a fair fight. I’m signing the petition.
Wait! When you sign one of these whiny petitions to limit a corporation’s rights, you’re siding with the consumer against your own tribe. We’ll be ostracized!
Johnny, babies should be off limits to marketers. Even you must agree with that.
Of course, I do! But there’s a bigger principle at stake!
Like what?
The free market!
Listen to yourself, Johnny.
I’m signing the petition… using your name, Mr. Green.
What?! Don’t you dare!
All they need is an email address.
I’m not kidding! Don’t sign my name to that nanny petition!
Oh, look. Here’s the link asking if you want to get involved and receive Commercial Free alerts!
NO!
Enter your email again and click "Sign up." There! Welcome to the revolution, Johnny!
You make me so mad sometimes!
Sounds like someone needs to be strapped into his Apptivity Chair.
One of these days, one of these days…